Why Solving A Problem Is Stressful, When We Are Actually Problem Solver
Summary - An important factor to solving problem that we often forget
I think I found out why we are so stressed when handling major problem. :)
Ok, I'm sure most of us are good problem solver. We handle problems on a daily basis, from as big as how to live our life to as small as to how to kill time while waiting for a tv show to start. We knew almost every trick on how to manage stress. And had had lots of experience handling it.
But still, why when we were faced with a problem, those major ones like debt, bad in-laws or evil boss, we often stressed out when we cannot solve the problem as fast as we can. I think I know why...
I really believe that one of the contributing factors is due to the television we watch. First of all, I'm not saying that television is bad and must be banned for the sake of humanity :). This is just an opinion.
Almost all television series especially sitcoms will show the problem faced by the husband and wife, or parents and children. Most importantly, it also shows how the problem is solved within the 20 minutes show.
Maybe, just maybe.. we are actually influenced by this, and we expect all our problems to be solved in the shortest time, hours top. We are now lacking one of the key ingredient to problem solving, which is patient.
When parents faced their rebellious children, they expect the children to be obedient almost instantly. They have no patient what so ever to slowly advice the children. They expect results immediately. We all know, for those rebellion type, the harder we go against them, the harder they will rebel.
When a husband found out that his wife is seeing another man, he immediately scolded her, and those stupid ones may even resolve to divorce. Simply because we lack the patience. In Islam there are ways to resolve marriage associated conflict, advising, sleep separately, third party etc.
These two examples show how patience is sometimes needed in solving problems. There are other situation that may need prompt action, but that would be discuss in another time.
Maybe that's why we can see the older generation is more patient than ours. Hm..
Conclusion - life is not a show on a television. Some problems need time and patience to be resolved.
- Other Related Entries -
- Any Problem Can Be Solved - Basic problem solving skill
- Never Run away from a problem, solve it
Ramadhan is a very good tools to recover back the patience quality we may have forget. Be patient to break the fast, Be patient when somebody flame you, Be patient when you know there's nothing more you can do.
Never Run Away From A Problem, Solve It
Summary - Problems are meant to be solved not hidden hoping it will go away.
Today, one of the machine in the mill had a breakdown. When we had a look, we can see some scratches at the shaft (Actually there's more damage to it, but let make this simple). I then asked "How is this get scratched?" The operator said he know nothing of it and the workshop personnel back him up by saying this is normal. I was surprised at the answer, because damage like that cannot be normal. Something must have cause it. And for the workshop personnel to say it normal means that they've encountered the damage previously but were lazy to follow up and investigate. They just replaced the shaft.
Yes, there is such thing as wear and tear in the industry but I know wear and tear when I see one. This is not wear and tear.
In short, we investigated and solved the problem. The reason I highlighted this is because it a typical practice for us to hide the problem rather than face it. Investigation to find the cause of the damage is very tedious and time consuming, Yes I know. But it had to be done. Or else the problem will keep recurring.
This is not only bound to engineering problem, but to all of our life problem. If we somehow hurt our loved ones' feeling, usually we will just try to apologize or worse just sleep on it, hoping tomorrow everything will be back to normal. This will not solve the problem, instead the problem will accumulate until one time, all hell break loose. Unfortunately for us, relationship is not like a machine where we can just overhaul or get a new one.
So please, if we've hurt our better half's feeling, talk it over. If talking and open up feelings are not a culture in your relationship, start it immediately. You (the man) will not be weak by expressing your feeling, but of course don't be overly emotional. and you (the woman) will be better understood if you speak up your feeling once in a while, but of course as gentle as possible.
--------------- Personal Note --------------------------
There is a phrase taken from Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah talk on relationship in Era on how to persuade your husband to do things around the house. Somehow I remember them. Caution - husband and wife conversation follows...
Wife - Bertuah saya dapat abang ni tau, abg ni baik, suka tolong di dapur.
Husband - Iye? (Hati berbunga2)
Wife - Tapi kan.... kalau abg boleh tolong saya basuh pinggan.. lagi saya terharu.
Husband - (knows already the wife actually want some help with the dishes) Ye la.. I'll do it for you :)
Wife - Tq :)
Labels: problem, Relationship
How To "Forget" and Move On
A friend had written in her blog asking advice on how to move on after a break up with her ex-boyfriend. Many had advised her to start a new hobby, do things to distract her from thinking about him etc. In the end, she said that all those ideas have not worked and only making it worse.
In my opinion, she had approached the problem wrongly. In case you're reading this. These are the most important steps you must do first.
- The problem with people nowadays is we don't really know what we want. We said we want to forget the ex-boyfriend and move on but the truth is we are the happiest when thinking about him. So ask yourself, do you really want to move on or not? Establish this first or any attempt to forget him will be useless
- This is also where people usually go wrong. We cannot force our mind to forget. It will only remember even clearer. Take sleeping for example, try forcing yourself to sleep. You will end up stay awake the entire night. So step no 2 is to stop trying to forget. Stop immediately!
- So what do you do now that you stop trying to forget. You learn from the experience. If your boyfriend is abusive, list down how to identify abusive people for your future reference. Learn everything you can from it and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) whenever his image come up to your mind, reanalyze your experience again. Do take note that this is a very difficult process. It is always much easier and happier to just day dreaming of him proposing to you but you should avoid this.
- Remember, whenever you start thinking about him, NO day dreaming and start listing down lessons. Your mind will slowly associates the memory with "listing down lesson" and hate it so much that it will automatically stop the memory from ever resurface again
I personally love to listen to people's problem when they talk to me about it. I usually prefer not to offer any advice but just an ear. After people let out all their problem verbally, they will usually have a clearer picture of their problem and its solution.
I personally love to listen to people's problem. It usually will enrich me with the experience without having to go through them.
p.s. - How about you guys? How do you move on after a break like that?
Labels: Mind, problem, Relationship
Any Problem Can Be Solved One...
When I was studying, one lecturer gave me this story. See... stories make us better at remembering things. I doubt I even remember any formula from his lectures. Basically the story describes what engineering is really about. It is simply problem solving. I am not sure though whether the story is true or not, but I'll share it with you regardless.
During the early years of space exploration, it is said that American astronaut faced one minor problem. The pen they are using just cannot function properly in zero gravity. If you notice, here on the earth, we usually fail to write something using a pen on surfaces like the wall or the ceiling. In zero gravity, obviously the situation worsen as there is just no force pushing the ink out.
Fascinated, the american spend thousands to overcome the problem. They come up with hydraulic system based pen. It is slightly heavier but then in zero gravity, that will not be a problem.
When the Russia start going into space. They encounter the same problem. they then used pencils.
/end story
The most important step in problem solving is actually defining the problem. You wrongly define the problem, you will end up solving another problem instead of the current at hand. Like in this example, the actual problem is "how to write?" and not "how to force the ink out of the pen?". How to apply to real life? Simply put, just spend more time analyzing the problem. Redefine it again and again until you know exactly what's the the problem.
--------------- Personal Note --------------------------
First of all, I appreciate my friends who visited the blog everyday. I only know you via my statistic. For that I thank you with all my heart. I was wondering though whether to change my medium to Malay or stick with English? I've had some feedback that some people may not be comfortable with english and thus prevent them from writing any comment. To tell you the truth, what keeps me motivated to keep writing besides my newly found passion for writing, is the 20+- regular friends visiting this blog everyday. Again I thank you. If it's not much trouble, do leave me some comments ya, Malay or English. I don't mind. Just want to know the 20 of you better :)
Labels: Lesson, Miscellaneous, problem