Mistake We Did During Arguing
Summary - Another attempt to change our mindset and argue effectively
Presented are two sketch of how people argue. A husband, Habi and his wife, Waifi are arguing on who will take their son, Sani to the dentist.
Scenario 1
Habi - Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi - Why are you looking at me?
Habi - I'm just trying to discuss this, who will bring Sani to the dentist tomorrow (with a raised voice)
Waifi - why don't you just volunteer doing it. Be a gentleman la
Habi - So when it comes to this, it must be always me. You were sometime so selfish you know (hoping his wife dont hear that)
Waifi - I heard that, you called me selfish? how dare you. It's not that I didn't do anything for him. And when it comes to this you didn't even offer to take him.
Habi - And you think I am just a "tunggul"? didn't do anything for Sani? Well whatever.
Waifi - Whatever
Habi - Fine!!
Waifi - Fine!!
Scenario 2
Habi - Who should bring our son to the dentist tomorrow?
Waifi - (sigh) Do we really need to?
Habi - Hm I guess.. So how?
Waifi - Ok let's focus here. Are you busy tomorrow?
Habi - Apparently yes, I have a meeting with my boss regarding the estimate preparation for next year. You?
Waifi - Same here, there's a work I'm way behind schedule and I need to finish it ASAP. So maybe the day after?
Habi - hm I'll try to change the appointment. How about weekend? both of us can go. And you can be the calming mother while I laugh at his pain Muahahaha
Waifi - You are evil... Weekend's good for me,
Habi - Now where were we? hehe
/end scenario
Believe it or not, almost all argument happened in our life fall under scenario 1. This is another mindset we need to change.
When arguing/discussing, don't attack the person, but attack the topic argued/discussed.
Old news? hehe yes you might think so, but please see for yourself, when there's an argument or discussion. You can see clearly that when A is presenting an idea, and B is calling it rubbish, and A who knows that B might be right, will DEFENSIVELY react. He will take that critics personally even though B meant it for the benefit of all.
However, it is almost always B is the one who first attack A personally so if :
- you are A - take a deep breath, see if there is any truth in B's critics, acknowledge it and take what you can use
- you are B - Good manner while giving negative comments is always appreciated, make it constructive and unless you have better idea to offer, it is always better to remain silent
Even though I know all this, there will always a stir in the my feeling when somebody attack me personally. A few months back, I was in the meeting and I came up with some ideas to basically improve the efficiency of the mill. The "a bit more senior" colleague of mine then said that I'm still new to the mill (I was just transfered here 1 year ++ ago) and that he knew best. (Sigh) The fact that I'm still new is irrelevant as long as the ideas are concerned. I however proceed with my renovation and Alhamdulillah, I had reduced the stone content of kernel produced by about 1.5% which is a lot. Yey!